Infertility Blog

Jamie here! I accidentally published a few entries from my infertility blog here. If you are interested in hearing my journey so far, you can check it out over here

The Waiting Game & Testing Decisions

Any fertility journey, infertility-wise or not, deals with a lot of waiting. Waiting for the next cycle to start, waiting to see if the medication works, waiting waiting waiting. Now I’m on the last part of the wait–the dreaded wait to test. 

My bloodwork is on Friday at 8am. They will be calling me with the results that afternoon. However, I’ve decided I will test with a home pregnancy test before then. Why? A few reasons. 1. I don’t want to be surprised at work  2. If the news is bad (though I’m still confident it will all be positive), I would rather have that at home to brace myself as opposed to being blindsided.  3. Since it was a FET, I don’t know any hcg from a trigger shot in my system so no fear of false positives. 

Now the major question becomes when to test. The earliest I have seen online positives are at 5dp5dt (which is Monday). However, that is still pretty early. So I haven’t decided if I will just do it then and brace for a false negative….or just wait til Wednesday-ish when it should be more accurate. 

Symptom-wise, I slept really badly last night. I had some vivid dreams and woke up with a headache and some nausea. I’ve had some mild cramping all day today as well. Hoping that little embryo is burrowing its way into my lining! 

2dp5dt 

Two days post-transfer! One week from today I have my official blood test to see if I’m pregnant! So crazy to think about. 

Bedrest is officially over! Woohoo! I’ve still been taking it easy obviously, since my little embryo should be implanting any time now. Not feeling anything except some tiny cramping every once in awhile and fatigue. I never nap but took a 2 hour one yesterday! Most likely that’s from the lovely progesterone which mimics pregnancy symptoms. 

I’m in that weird in-between area where I’m not pregnant but also not NOT pregnant. Some people call this “pupo” (pregnant until proven otherwise). That’s what I’m going with, minus the horrible acronym. I am feeling positive that everything is going as planned. This has been the most successful cycle so far with no hiccups in the process! 

Happy Early Birthday Kyle!

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On Saturday our little brother Kyle turns 21 years old! How in the heck did this happen? I remember turning 21 myself. Plus whenever I think of Kyle I still picture that chubby cheeked baby with his blonde bowl cut.

21 Things We Love About Kyle

1. He loves all things WWII. Even when he was just a kid, he would have discussions with my grandpa about WII weaponry or battles. Every time we would go on a car trip, we would have to watch “Saving Private Ryan.” He loved that movie at an inappropriately young age.

2. His friendship with Oleg, who we consider our honorary brother. They have been friends since they were in early elementary school and shorter than Jamie and me.

3. He used to be obsessed with killer whales, which sucks for me since loyal readers will know that I hate/am terrified of them. He was literally in the Free Willy fan club.

4. He’s a night owl. Sometimes in high school we would cross paths with him as we were getting up for school and he was going to bed.

5. Whenever we go out, people gravitate towards him. I can’t count how many times I have walked away and come back to Kyle to find a group of people around him. He’s that person that makes you feel like old friends after your first conversation.

6. He’s got a killer sense of humor. Sometimes he will make a quip and I’ll just pause before cracking up. It always catches me off guard.

7. In family pictures, it looks like he is photoshopped in since he is several inches taller than the rest of us.

8. He was our co-star in our many, many home videos. We groomed him to be an actor from a very early age. How did that not work out?

9. He dresses quite dapper.

10. Our late night talks. I remember a few years ago staying up until like 3 or 4 am talking about everything.

11. He somehow survived being the youngest with three older sisters. That means he survived having makeup put on him, us dressing him up, among many other humiliating things. We’re sorry, bro!

12. He loves ‘Merica.

13. He owns a ridiculous amount of clothing/accessories with the American flag (see above).

14. His hugs are amazing, even though they sometimes crush a rib or two.

15. One time when we went out to karaoke, he insisted that he was not going to sing. Cut to later that night–out of all of us, he sang the most, which includes introducing the world to his Creed impression.

16. When he played hockey, Kyle was always the one on the team who worked the hardest. That passion is pretty astounding to see, especially for a young kid.

17. His name could have been Aladdin if it had been up to us. Definitely imagining what a “21 Things We Love about Aladdin” list would look like….

18. His reputation as a boyfriend is legendary. He wouldn’t like us to say that he is “romantic,” but he definitely is. He treats ladies right! (You are welcome,Kyle’s girlfriend Aimee!)

19. He’s mischievous. One time I went into my room to discover that he had taped a killer whale poster to the back of my door. Not cool. Not cool at all.

20. He used to eat butter by the spoonful. It happened. We remember.

21. He loves all of us sisters so much that he’ll do anything for us, including threatening to beat people up. Don’t worry, we have yet to take him up on that offer. YET.

Dante as Muse

Well you heard about my little adventure in Florence so it should not come as a surprise that I have found a new historical figure to bring into my fold of muses. Dante and his Beatrice are one of history’s famous love stories–for those who do not know their tale, it is quite simple. They never kissed, never wrote love letters. Their romance is a good example of what would be called “Courtly Love.” Traditionally, Dante first saw Beatrice when he was nine years old, she a year younger, at a May Day party. He fell in love instantly and spent the rest of his life writing about this unattainable love. Nine years later, he saw her once again as he crossed paths with her and two female companions. Beatrice died young at age 24, only a few years after this encounter–but decades later in his middle age, Dante still wrote for her. By all accounts, she had imprinted on his soul, never leaving his mind.  In the most touching memorial to her, Beatrice is one of Dante’s guides into Paradise in The Divine Comedy. I always latched on to that detail…a beautiful, elegiac tribute to a woman that he could never have who had long since gone to the grave.

“She passes by, not haughty like her two companions—her emerald eyes flash back at me, intellect buzzing from behind them. Nodding slightly to her women gossiping over a banker’s wife, Beatrice smiles, half-hidden by the flutter of her hand. I wonder what she observes that we do not: a voice from the square that reminds her of her new husband; a child skipping rocks into the Arno; the thankful awareness of her body that has endured an illness to stroll the streets of Florence once more. Perhaps she looks past me on her left to the river, an opaque green alongside the yellowed stone buildings that curl along its banks. Beatrice’s pristine white dress melds with the paleness of her skin, youthfully brilliant in the Tuscan daylight. My eyes can focus on nothing else—she reflects everything. She has grown into a woman perpetually in motion. It has been nearly a decade since Beatrice, a girl of eight years old, blessed me with her stare during the May Day celebrations at her father’s palazzo. I have forgotten many stares, but not hers, the girl with the unpracticed smile. I held it like a scar upon my chest; neither the kisses nor the vows of my wife will wash it away. Gemma too has many scars upon her petite body, stiff under my hands, but we do not talk of loves past. I find beautiful symmetry in the fact that we married close apart, Beatrice. I offered congratulations when your father married you to your affluent banker; I had no reason to be jealous as I was already wed. Still, I mourned that your husband did not know you as a child, clad in crimson, entertaining me with made-up tales of the Romans. How could a man truly love you without that intimate knowledge of who you once were? Beatrice, you stride forward with intent like a mercenary on the hunt for the next venture. Your heart-shaped face swings from side to side—you will not miss a single color, cloth, or tradesman. You love even the ordinariness of a Florentine street. We will not meet again in this life. You will die young, still laughing to yourself at the things that only you can see. I will be exiled from our Florence many more years than you lived—despite spending my career trying to get back there, I will never stroll the place where I last saw you alive. You do not know this fact and neither do I so you keep walking without footsteps, tipping your head slightly to face the sun. I do not turn to watch you round the street corner, as I am certain, in the way only young people are, that we will encounter each other in time.”

Stress Relief

I don’t know about you all, but I feel like this time of the year is when my stress levels go sky high and I have a hard time shaking the winter blues. Even though the holiday craziness is over, it is still dreary winter and will be for the next….3 months (or in Minnesota, probably up until May. I’m only partly kidding). BLAH. And for a teacher, it’s the time of the year when breaks are basically over, save for a long weekend for Easter. Sigh. I’m someone who easily gets stressed out and have been trying to find ways to occupy my time and decompress. Working out is always a good way to help, though I’ve been bad about it the last few months. But I’ve recommitted myself to keeping exercise a priority in my life. Also, two other things I’ve picked back up are knitting and meditation. I love the repetitive and rhythmic feel of knitting, as well as the instant progress you can see on a project. It makes me feel more productive, even if I am just watching tv as I do it. It seems to calm my nerves as well and requires not too much brainpower. Meditation is something that works really well for me at night. I love the Meditation Oasis app, especially the sleep one. It comes with a bunch of different sleep meditation. Even when I’m tired, my brain tends to race at night when I am stressed and this helps me focus on something more soothing. I usually fall asleep within 5 minutes of listening to one, which is always a good thing! I also love that it is an all natural way to get to sleep that doesn’t rely on medication.

Anyone else have any good ideas for stress relieving hobbies/activities? I’m always looking for ideas!

Weekend Roundup

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Absence makes the heart grow fonder, doesn’t it? Well I hope so because I have been noticeably absent. My apologies! Between holiday prep and finally booking my European vacation with my mom (Montpellier, Nice, Florence and Rome in just over a month! I am going to consume ALL THE CARBS), I have been a very busy bee this past week. Anyways, things won’t slow down yet. Jamie is finally on Winter Break (lucky teachers) and will be arriving tonight! Whoopee! I foresee a lot of girl talk and booze in our future. This weekend keep in mind…

Love Actually detractors get a voice! I understand where they are coming from, but if you analyze most romantic comedies, the creepiness factor is awfully high. Can’t we all just enjoy Hugh Grant dancing?

Like most arts, the art of layering can be difficult to learn. Refinery29 to the rescue!

My favorite hand cream du jour. It makes my hands look/feel soft and not like they are the hands of Yoda’s wrinkly great Aunt Moda (not a real person in the Star Wars world).

I was so sad to hear about Peter O’Toole’s death this week. I plan on watching my favorite movie of his this weekend. One of my favorites of all time, actually.

Have a great weekend readers! See you next week–I promise!

Let Cute Puppies Learning to Howl Make Your Monday WAY Better.

Ah, I always know I can count on Jezebel to post adorable animal videos. And yesterday did not disappoint. Let me just say that I made about a million different “AWWW!!!” sounds as I watched, as well as uncontrollable laughing. It was so cute I almost cried. CRIED. Kevin was really confused by my almost puppy-induced breakdown.

The Ridiculous Return of Keanu Reeves

By now you have probably seen the trailers for 47 Roninwhich looks like an awful racist (to quote Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler on SNL: Really? You are going to have an Asian lady turn into a dragon? REALLY?) mash-up of Game of Thrones, Mulan, and 300. When I first saw the trailer in the movie theater, I just put my head down, I was so suffering from second hand embarrassment. When will people learn not to cast Keanu Reeves in things? Heck, even Kenneth Branaugh allowed him to ruin Much Ado About Nothing. You would think Kenny would have put his foot down at letting Keanu desecrate Shakespeare. Come on Hollywood–we don’t believe for a minute that Keanu would save anything.

My Favorite Holiday Movie is….

The Muppet Christmas Carol of course! It took a lot of restraint to not pull it out to watch last weekend! What is there not to love about it? There are Muppets, songs, Muppets, Michael Caine, Muppets, early CGI, Gonzo as Charles Dickens, rats dancing the hula….I would watch it all year long if it was socially acceptable. We also have a tradition in my family to all watch Christmas Vacation at some point. My Dad has seen it a thousand times at least, but still cracks up the entire movie which honestly makes the movie for me (his laugh is contagious!). The only Christmas movie that causes a lot of tension in the household is A Christmas Story–my Mom and Lindsay will fervently tell all who will listen how much they hate it while my Dad, Jamie, and I can sit down and watch all 24 hours of it on Christmas Eve. I don’t know what side my brother Kyle is on…he is old enough now to pick an allegiance.

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What movies do you watch every holiday season? There are so many good ones!

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